Being the only child may have been the culprit, but being different was the defining point. Being the only child didn't make me selfish, it made me social, and it made me hate to be alone. But being different made me stand out, a target of criticism, and a pariah. So I held on tight to things that I've gained, people who I felt close to, titles and material objects. And over these long 40 years I've always had a problem with letting things go. That problem almost ruined my life. I held on to things as if they were irreplaceable, and the thought of losing them left a deep pain or emptiness in my chest that would last so long it would effect my daily train of thought. I held on to friends even when they clearly didn't have my best interest at heart.
        I would forgive people over and over again until either they put me in a terrible situation or blatantly fucked me over. I let people in the army dictate my future, I let wives and girl friends get away with murder, I let friends and associates use me until I just couldn't take no more. I have hoarded, video game systems, clothes, rims, and old music I've written for almost 20 years. I speak of memories of high school, people I know and knew, my family history, military accomplishments and titles I've earned in martial arts as if they define my future. Not being able to let these go, and suddenly losing them all without choice is what sent me to thoughts of suicide. I had to learn to let go.  I use to cringe at the thought of people talking about me behind me back or not to be accepted. So I became an enabler, an over-giver, just to be liked by everyone at all times.
       The last Four years of my life forced me to learn to let things go. I lost everything, love, money, rank, material possessions, and almost all of my respect. I lost my grandmother as soon as I got to this duty station and lost my grandfather two months ago, four months before I retire. My next 40 years will be different. It may have took me longer than others to learn this but at least it happened before I transition into the next career, an even bigger and deadlier environment... the entertainment industry as a civilian. I have already come close to going back to holding on to shit with the artist and friends I met in this game. And I almost let them do me as those others have done and it is that, which brings me to this moment of finally learning to let go.
       So yes, today I finally learned to let things go and clean house. Literally and figuratively. I've been throwing old shit away all day. Rims, clothes, Nintendo and Sega game systems and wires. I also cleaned my mind and rid myself of that hurt feeling I used to get when people don't like me or talk behind my back. "Never stop moving" is what rick said and it resonated with me ever since. If I hold on to to much shit, eventually it will weigh me down to the point where I won't be able to move. No more will I hold on to people, or even old grudges. If they don't like me.. fuck em'!  I'm on my way up and god has carved that path. I won't change though, I will forever remain a giver. I just have to chose to whom and to what I give to wisely.
       No more will I care who likes my work, ideas, accomplishments and drawbacks because most of the time, the ones talking or hating is just jealous and they point out your deficiencies to make them feel better about themselves. The one thing I do know is; when people see you doing something they always wanted to do, one or two things will happen. one;  they will finally get off there asses, say fuck it and try to do it too. Or two; they gonna start to hate. So in the end, letting go is the best approach to everything. Things won't weigh you down, and it leaves space for new things to come into your life. But most of all... nothing lasts forever, not even life....so why hold on to old shit.

This track is my emotional attachment to this post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5hf86_hIBk