The Blackout 

            (Ch 2 Pt 3)

                                                            Saturday, May 21st 2016                                                                                                     

It's 3am in the morning and I'm laying in my bed, I can't sleep for shit. So much was on my mind and the fact that I was here at a military rehabilitation facility for smoking weed blew my mind. I knew dozens of soldiers that came up hot and was discharged out of the military within a year and here I sit with five failed urinalysis and I'm at rehab....and my debut as a legitimate artist is just days away. It couldn't be worst. In Situations like this, I always play my special game when things get bad but this time it's going to take a miracle to get a pay off. But still, I have to do what has always pulled me through regardless of the situation. Let's see if I can turn this situation into some type of gain.

I know everyone back at Fort Leonard wood is laughing and talking about me bad. Especially my chain of command...they think they got me. Fuck, they might really have me for real though. This might be it..fuck! Hell no, no way, just stop and think for a moment. I guess If I'm going to keep it 100, I have to suck it up and write about it. It's the only way I can pull something positive out of it. Yup, and I'm going to write a track to it too. 

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and take a minute to think positive thoughts only. Knowing that I get to go to the U.S.O today and use a computer makes me feel better. I just spent the last five months in front of three computers for at least 12 hrs a day and then my comfort zone changed in an instant. I needed to work and I hope it's a nice facility and not like Iraq. I don't mind waiting in line for a computer, But I know someone might get pissed waiting on me because I have a lot to do. Mainly I have to make sure Destiny has everything ready to go with all the initial campaigns for the video drop on Monday.  

Damn, Now I'm thinking about her. Nope, She gotta get the fuck off my mind right now! Look where the hell I am, I'm a prisoner of war right now. Locked down and on my own, no way will I allow someone who hasn't given me any creative or emotional support cloud my vision right now. I didn't want to leave my music and all I worked for in these past 5 months this in her hands anyway as it is but I had no choice. There was no one else and I couldn't get out of this 

A few hours past  by and I could hear the nurses and corpsman outside my door at their stations, It was almost time for wake up. I might as well get up now. So I jumped up, looked over at my roommate and headed for the shower while he's asleep, that way I can be out his way when he wakes up. I hated this shower I swear to god. You have to press this damn button every 45 seconds or so or the water will shut off. I miss home already, I cannot let it show though. It's better than being in Iraq and I lived there for over 2 years. I just have to focus and get acclimated as fast as possible and use this time to bring out my best work. 

After my shower I put on civilian clothes and went out into the common area. The nurses was taking vitals and breakfast was already there. My nurse came to me and told me she had to draw my blood again and I looked at her with the gas face. I asked her why and she said she did not know why, she just got the order to draw it again. confusion and slight worry came over me. I knew I had weed in my blood, was they testing my levels? If so why would they need another sample so soon? I shook it off and followed her into the lab. I was starving and breakfast was on my mind. 

I took off my shirt and she pulled out four vials with purple caps. I glanced at the chart on the wall and read what the colors meant. HIV, Antibody Count and something else I didn't understand but there was no use in asking her again so I just waited to see the outcome. Afterwords I went out into the common area and took my tray from the food cart. Each tray was labeled by name for each patient. Most of the other patients were either eating or getting their vital taken. I placed my tray at a table and went to stand in line for vitals. When the nurse took my blood pressure it was slightly high so she took it again.

It came back slightly high again but I already knew I had high blood pressure from when I had my phase two physical back in march so It didn't alarm me. I was ready to eat and find out what time we was allowed to go to the U.S.O. I was still awaiting word on if I was allowed to go since I just got here. From what I understood, Patients had to wait a week before they was allowed to leave the floor for anything but since I was here for marijuana and marijuana did not have a high addiction rate I was a special case. Most of the other patients was here for alcohol with a few cases of meth, heroin cocaine and opiates. 

After breakfast and our routine morning group check in we had to attend a narcotics anonymous class across the hall. A civilian was the lead and this class was more focused on drugs and addiction. We all herded in a line and awaited for the corpsman to come and escort us across the hall. It still astonished me how every door needed two forms of identification to pass through - a card swipe and fingerprint analysis. 

I still didn't know the other patients yet, During morning check -ins I listen to their check -in and learn a little more about them. I do know that I'm currently the lowest ranking person here. Everyone else was Held the rank of E-5 or above and there was at least 5 officers here, one of them was an O-5. I know my personality though, I'll gain friends through pure competition and my enemies will revel themselves. This won't be any different than any military school I attended and the fact that rank has no power here only makes the game better. I'm going to use every moment I can to either network, workout, or improve my project. 

The N.A class was more relaxed than the alcohol anonymous class. A.A scared me and was more cult-ish than informational. In N.A we had more of an open discussion and I related more. Maybe because I was never a big drinker. Even in my worst years of drinking I was a light weight and over the years as I just lost interest in alcohol. I stopped drinking when Lauren left and I probably will have a drink during holidays or celebrations only, even then I don't drink a lot. Weed is my vice...my love and my way of life. 

During N.A one of the patients, another lower enlisted member and the youngest in the group told us his story. It was sad and crazy at the same time. He was addicted to heroin and cocaine and functioning in the army, he was an alcoholic also. He lived a wild young life during his short career and one day he and a buddy, another soldier was shooting up and his buddy overdosed on heroin and died. I couldn't imagine going through that, let alone while in the military. The way he described the way his chain of command treated him was slightly better than the way mine treated me even though he was being discharged out the army for sure.

After N.A I looked at the rest of the patients in a different manner. We all had some shit going on in our lives and we all had to deal with them face first while serving in the military...the worst place to deal with any problems other than jail. We had free time or we could go to the gym before lunch. I chose to go work out, I needed to run. It was only a 60 minute time block before we had to get ready for lunch. I liked the weekends here, No uniform and tons of time to improve yourself. 

After lunch we had more free time to work on our assignments, use the phones or just relax in the common area until it was time to go to the U.S.O. My psychiatrist came to me and told me I was cleared to go too, and he gave me the rules. We could not leave the U.S.O without a nurse or corpsman, we wasn't allowed to have guest and tobacco products was still off limits. I already knew the game though, I wasn't about to break the rules, get kicked out and fail. then my chain of command would have grounds to have me immediately discharged from the army. I was happy that I didn't have to wait another week to go but I knew it already. I felt it, I knew my higher power had already paved the way for me, Now I have to use the blessing wisely and go to work and not waste time bullshitting. 

About two hours later we stood in line at the door about to be escorted to the U.S.O and I was excited. Some of the other patients was already inquiring about my book and music and I wanted to show them. As we all stood outside the ward in the hall by the secretaries station at another door one of the other patients came up to me. She was an officer and the only female there. Then She said in an off-putting manner "Hey..So your a writer and another so called rapper huh? you mind showing us you stuff once we get to the U.S.O?" Her demeanor was one of sarcasm and non belief and I picked up on it quick. She was testing me and wanted to see if I was a fraud since I spoke highly of my project during classes and check -ins. 

I smirked and remained tactful, I also noticed her little group of followers lingering off in the distance gawking and chuckling. "OK, I get it. I see whats going on" I said to myself and responded to her with "Sure, as soon as we get there I'll show you!" And kept a smile on my face. She replied with a fake "Thanks" and walked away back to the small group of guys she obviously had deep up her ass. Maybe it was because she was a female and an officer. She was a pretty white woman with a great body but still, the way they all gravitated around her was crazy. So now I don't like this bitch so her appearance didn't mean shit to me, The way she came up to me got my attention though...game on bitch..game on!

The U.S.O was better than I imagined. As I looked at it from the lobby and say everything it had to offer I knew once again all this was meant to happen. It was the best U.S,O I ever been in! It had a full kitchen and pantry, and theater room, game room, dance hall, art room, and two computer rooms but best of all and the reason I knew this was all written for me was it had a full music production studio! Soundproofed with live instruments, and M-audio equipment all top of the line. I surrendered, I gave myself to my higher power that very moment. The path that was decided for me was clear as day and I was about to get to work. 

The first thing I did was head to the kitchen to create a snack. Oh my god! I wanted something other than hospital food and a low calorie drink bad as fuck. As I was popping some popcorn and getting a drink at the fountain that female officer came up to me again and said " I can't wait to see your work, It's nor often we are blessed to have a celebrity in our presence" Now this bitch is blatantly fucking with me, She is really trying to establish some form of dominance directly to my face but once again I bit my tongue and said "OK, sure I'm headed to the computers right now." I totally forgot about this bitch when I finally saw the U.S.O, but now I'm about to give it to her for real. That's when the Blackout was full in my mind and the motivation kicked in. I loved to turn negativity and hate into something marvelous. 

So I grabbed my drinks and headed straight to one of the many computers available. She sat at a station behind me. I directed her to my web page Enemiesintheranks.com and said "Enjoy!" as the I'm ready video started playing and her facial expression shifted. I turned around and went to work. I checked all my sites; Face book, YouTube and my blog on Word press. I also showed her all my views from each site which varied from 100 to over 10 thousand views or song plays and I watched her face screw up until she finally said "OK, well good for you then!" and I turned and laughed. 

I then preceded to walk around the U.S.O and pass out my business cards and chat with people, coaxing them to visit my site before I went up into the studio, further rubbing shit in the faces of the other patients who was low key hating and gaining the respect of the ones who were cool. The game had officially started and I learned a valuable lesson that day, one that I will never forget....

People don't respect talk they respect actual work and hustle, concrete product. But most of all, what ever you are called here to earth to do, that path will be laid before you. if you choose not to follow that path and go against his will, the outcome will be a nightmare. But if you choose that path..... the possibilities are limitless.

This song is my emotional link 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JhluGhzRrE&index=6&list=PLKnBr1WV4KS30xfSPlesjngbjJneFtVQB

A fight to the finish

Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and wake up. Its as simple as that when it comes to acceptance. We live and we die, this is absolute. What we must learn to accept is how we live and what we've done before we die. When I accepted this path last year, January 12th 2016, I also accepted the guilt from poor decisions I made. What I didn't accept was the outcome everyone else thought I deserved. 

Passion is my herald, creativity is my advantage and the will to fight through any pain has been my gift from my creator.  So I decided to take on an army, literally. Without disclosing valuable and wonderful tales of the most elaborate and entertaining events in my life and giving away parts of my book, I will give you something like movie trailer, but with words. 

I waited two years for a military separation board and it fell on my birthday; January 12th 2016. Perfectly ironic; the rest of my life will be determined on the day I was born.  In order for this project to be a classic... it had to happen this way. An Army separation board is hearing slash trial held by a panel of senior sergeants and officers. a prosecutor, and I had a defense lawyer that was equivalent to a public defender. I was being considered for discharge under general conditions for smoking weed back in December of 2013. That was the black and white of it, It was my birthday, I was at 16 years in my career and about to lose it all. I had to do something, I been writing all my life and I had a story to tell so I started writing enemies in the ranks as soon as I walked out the board. I got home, lit a blunt and started writing.

The truth of it was, I was targeted by my chain of command through the devious and well executed actions of my supervisor. A toxic leader that was just plain mad at the fact that I was the only man in her life that she had no power over. Her enchanting advances and normal routine didn't work on me, in fact I saw right through it. The fact that I taught her how to run my battalion and she had no culinary skill what so ever, made her need me which led to her wanting more than a professional relationship. But I had a girlfriend and My boss just wasn't my type. Our professional relationship swiftly became a war and it lasted for two years ending with me being busted one rank. That ruined me and every plan I ever had in life. That one rank mixed with my time in service and a whole lot of Army rules and regulations was enough to fuck me for the rest of my military career. 

The outcome was so devastating to my mind it and life I had to take evasive actions just to sustain, I reverted back to what I knew and turned to the streets.  Soldier and leader by day, busting my ass to regain my rank and respect. Producer slash poker player, slash caterer, slash plug at night, hustling to make up for the $1600.00 a month loss I just took. I started stressing and eventually smoking marijuana. ( I laugh at the truth on this one) So Now they really had me and I was in serious trouble. Less than 6 months after I lost my rank, I was being charged with use of an illegal substance and in a worst situation. All my enemies were happy and most of my soldiers were disappointed. All my so called friends turned on me and I had to face the reality of the situation everyday for years. But I didn't give a fuck, It was my final hour  was on my own. I was left with no choice. I was already giving my best at work. Nothing changed, I naturally out-shined my peers and supervisors physically and technically. The financial loss was killing me, I identified it way before it happened and I wasn't about to be broke. I was already pissed and angry because I was honestly screwed by my chain of command so I used all that negative energy as motivation

Somehow I pulled off a win with the charge, or so I thought. After another year of soldier by day and in the streets the rest of the time I thought I had won and pulled through. I eventually showed my new chain of command the truth about what happened and that bitch got exposed for what she really was. I earned a recommendation for the promotion board. It was a short lived victory, Less than a week later, Not only was I was told that I lost that recommendation, I lost it because I was being recommended for chapter for that failed piss test from over a year ago. It only took me a second to realize the severity of my new situation. I had to "Accept the situation" and react.  Little did I know I had other powers working in my favor already. The rules and regulations fell in my favor, due to my time in service meaning my chain of command had less than six months to charge me and get me a separation board before I hit 18 years. They didn't know that, and neither did I... but I found out first.

All I had to do was survive for a few months and the rules would change in my favor. Once I hit 18 years then the final decision from my board would no longer lay in the hands of the garrison commander which lived up the street, It had to go up to the department of the army and that could take years. Another strong factor that fell in my favor was my entire unit was closing. People was being moved and shuffled around so much my paperwork was either last on someones list or lost. Eventually my unit closed and I was moved and the real war began. Every new chain of command that I had from then on was hellbent on putting me out based on paperwork. They didn't even know me, but my failed piss test preceded me before anyone talked to me. I was out casted before I had a chance to properly introduce myself. And what made it worst was it became so typical that every time a unit closed and I got a new chain of command it got worst! They was treating me like pure shit and trying to do whatever it took to get me out the army with the worst discharge they could give. They was genuinely trying to fuck me and I wasn't having it. Here I stand years later and still here awaiting retirement at my highest rank earned and this war still goes on today and I'm at 19 years and 6 months. They just wont let it go

I cannot begin to explain what I had to endure to get to the position I am in today and you wouldn't believe what I had to do to further increase my chances for success. But most of all, the series of fortunate and unfortunate events that played crucial points, and the people that was put into my life just for small purposes in a large plan that still is unfolding before my eyes leading me to something great. The way the music became a part of the project, and the way I got my first investor and partner. was a gift from god. Everything I needed to accomplish my task was given to me. This first book is more than a auto biography, its a story of triumph filled with the wildest of situations and will describe in detail all the events all the way up to my retirement or discharge. I used vivid flashbacks from my early career to highlight my mind frame and I also kept a journal as I wrote the manuscript starting January 12th 2016 to further capture the pure emotion and bullshit I was going through as I wrote.

During the last five years of my life I have witnessed so called moral and just leaders commit the most foulest of actions just to bring pain in my life as well as other soldiers. It was disgusting and horrible. I felt the pains of love and betrayal, hunger and need. All in which lead me to what god intended me to do. I had to learn to adapt, manipulate and survive until I got everything the army owed me plus more and now I'm going to let the world know what happened before I continue my future as a writer and C.E.O. The best part of it all was the fact that it took everything I ever learned in life, everything I loved to do, every skill and trait to survive this war and in turn landed me in a better position with the enemies in the ranks project. What is next to come from me and government industries after I retire and launch this project will be nothing short of epic I promise. Because the one thing that the U.S army taught me will ultimately be my greatest asset.... I will never accept defeat.

This song is my emotional link to this post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCkT4XNdvaA&list=PLKnBr1WV4KS30xfSPlesjngbjJneFtVQB&index=30